BEGINNER'S GUIDE

How to choose a sex toy for the first time

5 min read · Updated 25 October 2026

The best first product is not the most powerful or the most expensive. It is the one whose purpose, material, controls and care instructions you understand before it reaches your door.

Start with the experience, not the product name

Shopping becomes easier when you first decide what matters to you. Are you looking for external stimulation, a design intended for insertion, something to use with a partner, a quiet travel-friendly option, or simply a product that is easy to clean? A clear use case stops you paying for features you may never use.

For a first purchase, simplicity usually beats a long specification list. Look for controls that are easy to understand, a shape that does not feel intimidating, and a product page that gives exact dimensions rather than relying on enlarged lifestyle photographs. If grip, dexterity or fatigue are a concern, check button size, weight and whether the product can be operated with one hand.

Seven checks before buying

1. Purpose: the listing should state clearly whether the product is designed for external, vaginal or anal use. Never assume one design suits every use.
2. Exact dimensions: check total length, usable length, width and weight. Compare the figures with an object you know rather than judging from photographs.
3. Named material: “premium”, “skin-friendly” and “soft touch” are marketing phrases, not material specifications.
4. Controls: check the number and location of buttons, whether intensity can go down as well as up, and whether the product remembers its last setting.
5. Power and charging: confirm charging time, expected runtime, cable type and whether use while charging is allowed.
6. Cleaning: “waterproof” and “splash-resistant” are not interchangeable. Follow the maker's instructions and stated water-resistance rating.
7. Returns and defects: hygiene seals can change return eligibility once opened. Read the return, warranty and faulty-item rules first.

Choose materials you can identify

For products intended for insertion, Planned Parenthood suggests considering non-porous materials such as 100% silicone, hard plastic, stainless steel or break-resistant glass. It also explains that some soft blends and rubbery plastics can be porous and therefore harder to keep clean. The practical lesson is simple: buy from a listing that names the material and explains how to care for it.

“Silicone blend” is not the same description as “100% silicone”. If a seller cannot tell you what touches the body, that uncertainty is a good reason to choose another product. Read our detailed guide to materials and cleaning.

Match the design to the intended use

External products

External designs are often a straightforward starting point because they do not involve insertion. Compare contact area, grip, control placement and low-intensity settings. A small product is not automatically quieter, and a long list of patterns does not prove better performance.

Insertable products

Check usable dimensions, surface transitions and whether the product can be cleaned completely. Stop if a product causes pain, numbness or lasting discomfort. If you have a medical condition, recent surgery, pregnancy-related concerns or unexplained symptoms, ask a health professional before use.

Products intended for anal use

A purpose-designed product should have a flared base or another reliable way to prevent it going too far in. Several sexual-health organisations warn against using an anal product without a wide base. Use a compatible lubricant, and never move a product from the anus to the vagina without cleaning it or changing the condom first. Our safe-use guide covers this in more detail.

Lubricant compatibility matters

Water-based lubricant is a broadly compatible starting point for most toys and condoms. Silicone lubricant can damage some silicone or “real-feel” materials over time, and oil-based lubricant can weaken latex condoms. Always check both the lubricant label and the product instructions.

Noise, privacy and delivery

Noise claims are difficult to compare unless the seller explains how distance, room conditions and intensity were measured; see our guide to noise and discreet use. If privacy matters, examine the packaging, sender name, billing descriptor, tracking and return address, not only the word “discreet”. Use our discreet-delivery checklist.

Set a realistic first-purchase budget

Budget for the complete setup: the product, a compatible lubricant, storage, delivery and any replacement parts. A discount is not valuable when essential specifications or return conditions are missing. Pay for transparent materials, usable controls and clear support rather than the longest feature list. When you start comparing models, our feature-comparison checklist helps you line them up fairly.

Beginner's pre-purchase checklist

• The intended use is explicitly stated.
• Dimensions are given in millimetres or centimetres.
• The material is named precisely.
• Cleaning and water-resistance instructions are available.
• Charging method and expected runtime are stated.
• Return, hygiene-seal and defect policies are readable before checkout.
• Packaging, sender and tracking information are explained.
• No claim depends on fake urgency or guaranteed results.

Frequently asked questions

Sources and further reading

• Planned Parenthood: sex toys, materials and safer use
• Sexual Medicine Society of North America: how can one use sex toys safely?
• NHS Sexual Health Oxfordshire: lubricant compatibility